How to tell your boyfriend you don't want him to be friends with a girl ';he used to have feelings for';?

Me and my boyfriend have been soo happy together, and since both of us experienced unfaithfulness in our love-life, we promised each other we would stay faithful to each other. However, I know about this younger co-worker of his, (she's 16,my bf is 22 and I'm 19) and he told me of her already. He told me once that she wanted to ';snuggle up to him';, and I already told him that's a bit drastic to just name as a flirt. So, I trusted him as he said there's nothing between them...however, I found his phone, and since I let him check mine, I thought of looking through myself, and I found messages to that girl that involved her saying back to a message he sent: ';What? More than jsut a cuddle? What do you mean?...'; he told me he wanted to test her feelings so he was able to determine how to break to her easily that he's not interested, and I said I don't believe a word and haven't talked to him for 6 hours now...he wrote to me that he thinks he loves me....How to tell your boyfriend you don't want him to be friends with a girl ';he used to have feelings for';?
A 22-year-old flirting with a 16-year-old; making excuses to you; and telling her they can only be work colleagues?? (what were they before?)





Unfortunately, I think he's full of s..t. I'm sorry but it does not look good and no, I wouldn't trust him.How to tell your boyfriend you don't want him to be friends with a girl ';he used to have feelings for';?
Trust. You have to trust him. You two have to trust each other. It seems like you two don't have trust for each other if you have to go thru each others phones. It doesn't matter that he knew her before you.
Regardless of what he has ir is saying your answer is in your own doubts.





It seems emotionally you arent yet ready to allow yourself to trust him, most likely because of what happened in your past.





You need to take time to allow yourself to rebuild yourself so you can trust someone. If you are not comfortable in the relationship then it isn't a positive thing for either of you.





And remember, your 19, few of us ever find the person we spend the majority of our lives with at that age. Enjoy life, remember stress sucks so try and avoid it, and learn from everything that happens to you.
Trust is what you need in a relationship. If your boyfriend says that he loves you, then believe him. Stop being so paranoid and have some confident in yourself. It's not worth giving up a relationship over a 3rd party that your boyfriend no longer has feelings for. Time will tell. You're still young so give this relationship a try and if things don't work out, just take it as an experience.
you realy need to learn how to trust him. if you can't trust him, there is no point in you being in this relationship if you're just paranoid all the time. going through each other's phone is just proof that neither of you trust each other so how can you truly love each other?





also - if you tell him you don't want him to be friends with her, he will probably be mad that you're placing limits on him and telling him what to do.
I have just read all the comments and obliviously your question. I asked three questions here all about something like that, i also took under advisement all the answers i got, as that was why i asked these strangers with opinions what they thought because were not all the same or even from the same life experience's.So to give back, you need to trust yourself. Right now at a young age as it gets harder and cloudier to hear that inner voice the longer you follow rather than lead yourself down any path. Use your mind and your heart. They are both your best assets. If in doubt, why do you doubt? Only you can answer why you feel this way, and sadly, only you will live what it brings you. That feeling inside will be the best moral compass you ever get and it will be the most loyal of voices. Your young and life is all ahead of you. but don't be mistaken that the choices you make now will not form the person you become and the actions you will take in the future.I want to believe him too. I did believe mine, we are getting divorced and our child is the real loser in all this. You are in a place where that's not so for you. But don't think they are all telling the truth all the time..
Ok...firstly my honest opinion is that no person has a right to tell another person who, or who not, to see or be friends with.





I was in a similar position when I was 19, but unlike you I wasn't threatened by...well anyone really. It didn't end well (I got pregnant, he cheated and left) but I still find I'm not a jealous or possessive person.





A 22 year old guy shouldn't be thinking about getting caught up with a 16 year old anyway.


You obviously don't trust him, and this could be attributed to your previous experiences. But it could also be because he's not been completely open and honest with you...which I believe many people see as a requisite part of a relationship.





As for 'testing her feelings'...why did he have to test her feelings just to let her down? How does that help him at all in telling her he's involved with someone else and nothing can happen? I think that's just plain dodgy.





Personally I have no time for people who play mind games like he is attempting to. I would leave.





It also makes me suspicious that he thought he loved you one moment and when that didn't instantly make things better he took that last step and told you he was in love with you. I think that's just manipulative to be honest.





I think you probably need to start weighing everything up and trying to look at things objectively. If this was happening to your best friend...what would you say to her? What would you suggest? Then...take your own advice.





You're the one who knows him and yourself better than any of us ever could. If you think he's worth it and you want to work through it, then maybe you should do that. If you don't think you could ever trust him again, then maybe it's better to cut your losses and move on before any more damage is done to your heart/psyche due to any perceived (or real) betrayals.