What would you do if you found out your boyfriend did this to you, with his ex?

I have dated my boyfriend(Call him Fred) for over 3 years. I knew in his life he had one previous ex(I will call her Camilla), of whom he only dated for one summer, however was friends with her in school for about 7 years (school friends, not that close). Near the end of Year 1 in of our relationship, my boyfriend got a phone call from his ex, while I was in the same room with him. I could hear the conversation because the phone was loud. His ex asked him to go shopping with her on saturday. I was naturally shocked as I didn't know he even hung out with her still (she lives in another town 4 hours away, but visits frequently enough). I was upset and asked him not to go with her. And he told me he wouldn't. This was only the beginning of a very ugly year...





The next event that proceeded is that my boyfriend lied to me and said he was going to bed early, however the next day on face-book his ex posted up pictures of him and her and a couple of old high-school friends playing pool. I confronted him about the lie, and he said he just wanted to see his old high-school friends but knew I would be upset if I found out she was there. I was very upset that he lied to me.





The next big event that happened the following year, is I found an email written to ex, saying ';Camilla, I decided that if i wanted to get an email from you, I would have to take initiative and write one first. So how was the wedding? I hope it wasn't secretly yours, because I would be DEVASTATED to if you did not invite me to such an event, much less partake. But the real reason i'm writing this email is to find out when your going to be in town next, so we can hopefully hang out for more than 2 hours, because as you know, 2 hours of you is never enough. Let me know i'm free monday or tuesday, anxiously awaiting your reply..Fred';





I paraphrased that, because I can't remember it precisely. Anyway when I found this email I was devastated, and broke up with him. Then he kept showing up at my house apologizing, till I eventually took him back. Because I knew that nothing psychical went down between them. Camilla is an awful flirt, but I know she doesn't really like Fred, she just goes along with all guys flirting because she likes the attention.





Then almost a year went by with no flare ups, and one day Fred and I were on his computer doing homework for college, and a noticed a picture of Camilla. I said what is that doing on her, and Fred said ';It's only one picture don't worry about it'; However being curious as I am, I did a search of Camilla on his computer, and found a hidden folder with at least 50 pictures of her, and a couple pictures of naked models that slightly resembled her, (not really but I guess he thought so), and wedding rings. He told me the wedding rings were old, and so were some of the pictures (back from when they used to date) however I noticed some of the pictures to be new.





Now I know this all seems like a lot of crap, but in between those events we have had a very loving relationship, I have actually really been wanting to marry Fred. And he tells me he loves me as well, and there's nobody else now. He says he's over Camilla now, but I can't seem to trust him because of all the lying he's done in the past.





What is your advice on this? Is Fred full of ****, is he not over Camilla? or Should I stay with him after all this and try to trust him?





And...why does he stay with me, yet still flirts with Camilla?





Thank you so much, if you can share advice you'd be helping a problem that has plagued me for two years!What would you do if you found out your boyfriend did this to you, with his ex?
Initially, I want to say dump him because he has continuously lied and hid things from you. It will be terribly hard to trust him again and in a relationship, you need trust and communication. If you don't have those two components, you're doomed for fights, arguments and lots of problems. Honestly, it sounds like he isn't over her.





If you really love him and want to be with him, I suggest talking to him and spilling out your heart to him to make him realize how much this has been hurting you.





If he wanted to stay with you and go further in the relationship, I suggest he gets rid of Camilla. If your relationship is more important than their friendship, then he'll do it. Continuing a friendship with her will just cause more problems in your future. Usually it would be okay in my opinion for men to have female friends while in a relationship, but this has obviously crossed the line.





Good luck with everything :]What would you do if you found out your boyfriend did this to you, with his ex?
Karlee, I see that you placed your picture up to show the world how pretty you are. I think you are looking for attention because you feel that you are not special in his eyes and you are looking for attention somewhere else.





I think the dude is full of **** and I want you to tell him to trash all the pictures away. Lets see if he is going to do that? I'll bet you that he is going to make some backup copies. lol.





Just relax, there are so many guys out there. just becareful.... there are many STDs out there also. Find someone who is really absolutely into you while willing to give you space. Im sure you will be able to find the right person.





THere are many fish in the sea! Just dont get married with someone that loves someone else. It is not going to work. bc that person is always thinking of that one person and not you.
Heya...!





Ok firstly, about your problem, the biggest issue we are dealing with is trust, that you have over the years lost on ur bf because of the various incidents that you mentioned.





now dear, when you already were aware of the fact that both fred and camilla have dated each other, and then such issues coming up from your bf's side, you should directly confront him, not in an angry ood, but rather than seeking an explanation for his actions, you should let him know what YOU feel when he does all this, i.e. even the slightest of interactions wid camilla( like the email) which by obvious reasons make you insecure about ur relationship. And this should be explained to him in such a way, where he can see how much it hurts you cuz of his actions.





Also, being honest, and with some personal experiences, you too should learn to trust him even more. I can understand how u must have felt when u saw those pics on his comp, but at that time, shouldn't you have confronted him in a sterner manner, as in, with much of probing?? Do tell him that u would actually appreciate it if he comes honest to u, no matter what, so that atleast he doesnt feel that has to lie to you just either to nt make u upset, or any other reasons if any...!!





Try talking to him the same way you just mentioned your problem in the question, be calm, and remember, you have to trust him so as to expect him to trust you, and hence, be frank with you regarding the real situation. Do not give him an impression that u would break up or something if he's honest to u, cuz at the end of the day, being honest would be beneficial for BOTH of you; if he likes d other girl, let it be so, maybe u deserve something better right?? so simply hope for the best ok...!!!





And i am happy to see you mention that besides these small little incidents, you both do have a very loving and romantic relationship, keep it up, and try spicing it up once in a while as well...!!





and yea..one last piece of advise: if in any case you feel that he's not over with or moved on from camilla, then the best way to overpower those feelings of his is by spreading YOUR love onto him, and make you relationship SO much stronger, that hopefully, who knows, even the slightest bond with camilla would be over for fred...!!!





So good luck, and do let us know how things work out....!!





just rem two things:- Trust and LOVE....!!!!!!





muahh..!!!
i say that camilla is jealous of you and fred thinks camilla likes him so he trys to make her happy and when she comes over she would want to sse pictures of herself (does camilla know u?) and camilla wants to marry fred and you better proposed just in case he isn't inlove and have sex